Danielle Du is a senior at Arizona State University who identifies as gay demisexual. Her pronouns are she/hers.
“I have to have certain experiences before experiencing sexual attraction to somebody,” Du said. “So I guess quote on quote, typical people and I are different in that sense.”
Du knew from a young age that her attraction to romantic relationships were different from her friends in school, but could never figure out why she felt that way. She “came out” or fully expressed herself as who she was once college started.
“It was weird growing up specifically for me when all of my friends were like ‘this person is attractive or cute’ and whatever, because I need to have an emotional connection with them first,” she said.
Du told her friends and family in 2020, about her identity.
By then, she was a junior in college.
“My high school was not conservative or anything but high school is so busy that you’re just trying to survive,” she said. “There’s not a whole lot of self reflecting moments.”
In college, she was able to meet more queer friends and it helped her because in high school, people were still figuring themselves out so she couldn’t relate to them much, according to Du.
As a Chinese-American, Du revealed some challenges she faces as a gay demisexual in conflict with her culture.
“This is something kind of like other queer Asian people can relate to but there are clearly different family expectation for Asians versus Western families,” she said. “They’re very, very different.”
Du decided to write her thesis dissertation on this topic because she felt like the LGBT+ community among Asians were not talked about enough. In China, where she is originally from, she said the Chinese government and the people are on two opposite spectrums when it comes to the LGBT+ community.
She said the Chinese government is “homophobic” and not accepting of other identities but the citizens and the people of China would disagree.
In August of 2020, China’s largest LGBTQ festival called Shanghai Pride, was canceled by authorities.
“People I’ve talked to said that there are conflicts or like tensions between queer Asians,” she said. “That’s the biggest challenge.”
Skylar Birch is a bisexual, white male from Minnesota. His pronouns are he/they.
Coming to Arizona was a culture shock for him because he didn’t see people more open to expressing themselves, like they do in Minnesota. He never “came out” or felt the need to tell people because he didn’t see it as necessary to do.
“When I was a kid, I used to tell people that I would marry a guy and then switch up the next day and say that about a girl,” he said. “Little things like that, I knew from a young age.”
Skylar recounted a memory when he hugged a boy in fifth grade.
“I remember people were like that’s gay if you hug a boy, but I was like ‘that’s OK, I’m here for it,” he said.
One of the challenges he faced was telling his parents because they didn’t fully understand his identity with being bisexual.
“It’s hard for them to understand because if they see me dating a girl, they think I’m straight,” he said. “But that’s the case.”
Skylar said a way to see into his perspective is with an analogy: vanilla and chocolate ice cream.
He said he could be eating chocolate ice cream but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t eat vanilla, according to Skylar. Even if he’s in a relationship with any gender, he said he wouldn’t change his preferences around to match whoever he’s dating.
Contact the reporter at yhan99@asu.edu
Yoori Han was the politics editor at Downtown Devil during fall 2021 and part of spring 2022.
