Changing Hands Bookstore in Phoenix held a panel discussion focused on what men can do to change the culture surrounding sexual harassment Tuesday night, featuring local leaders including Mi-Ai Parrish, former president and publisher of The Arizona Republic.
The panel was co-presented by local branding agency Javelina and Sex Turned Up, an initiative of the Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence, or ACESDV. Tasha Menaker, ACESDV’s chief strategy officer, kicked off the discussion by asking the room of 45 attendees to share whether they had been sexually harassed, or knew someone personally who had.
All but a few hands shot up in the air.
As the #MeToo movement has demonstrated, the problem of sexual harassment is pervasive, particularly harassment against women. Parrish, now CEO of Map Strategies Group, is just one #MeToo example.
Parrish shared with the group her most prominent – but certainly not singular – experience with being sexually harassed. While she was still publisher at the Republic, she was meeting for the first time with former Rep. Don Shooter when Shooter made a comment that was sexually and racially charged.
Parrish later wrote about her experience in a column for the Republic.
Over a year passed before Parrish came forward with the response. She said she decided she couldn’t keep quiet any longer after an onslaught of women began accusing Shooter of sexual harassment and inappropriate behavior, according to the Republic.
It was his own personal experience of sexual harassment that compelled panelist Alejandro Palacios to start thinking deeper about the inappropriate behavior many women experience from men on a daily basis. Palacios is Lead Advocate at local organization Bloom365, a group focused on fostering healthy relationships.
During the discussion, Palacios described a time he was groped at a bar by another man – not once, but twice, even after Palacios asked him to stop.
“I really felt that violence,” he said of the experience.
“You’re not a hero for doing that. Sorry,” she said, addressing the group.
On that same note, she said that even if a woman appreciates receiving an apology from a man for something he’s done that’s inappropriate, she doesn’t necessarily need to accept it. Men should not expect as much, Menaker said.
For Parrish, an apology is something she might have appreciated, but never received, from Shooter. She said that after she went public with her experience, Shooter attempted to relay an apologetic message to her by way of several of their mutual friends in the legislature. But he never reached out to her directly.
“He’s never tried … and he knows how to find me,” she said. “I’ve actually seen him, and he’s never apologized.”
Palacios blames that kind of behavior on unhealthy attitudes men have been taught about what masculinity truly means.
“Don’t show emotions. Or, only show anger. No!” he said after the panel. “Ask any human: we all have the capability of feeling a wide range of emotions, and we need to be comfortable with that.”
Menaker pointed out the audience was comprised of mostly women, although the conversation was directed toward men. A number of men in attendance discussed holding other male friends accountable for sexist behavior.
For his part, attendee Daniel Lopez said he wants to take the information he gathered from the panel back to discussions with his male friends and encourage them to take action, even in the face of discomfort or fear.
Lopez recalled a time when a male friend made a sexually-charged comment about a mutual female friend of theirs, he questioned him. His friend’s retort? That given the way their friend dressed, she was asking for the attention.
“I think a lot of it is denial, and kind of not being willing to engage in productive conversations,” Lopez said of his male friend’s attitude.
“I need to do better in my part to … put an end to that culture,” Lopez said.
Contact the reporter at mduerig@asu.edu.
